Azim Khamisa: the Journey of Forgiveness

Join us for an inspiring conversation with internationally renowned speaker and author Azim Khamisa. This forum will explore the profound impact of forgiveness as a path to unity and healing, reminding us of the shared humanity that connects us all.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello, and welcome back to Resilience Matters. Today's episode is a little different from our usual format. Instead of our typical interview, we're honored to share with you a powerful and moving presentation recorded during a community forum held on Starr's beautiful campus in Albion, Michigan. This event features internationally renowned speaker, author, and peace advocate Azim Kamisa. Azim's journey is one of unimaginable loss, extraordinary courage, and unwavering hope. After the tragic loss of his son to senseless violence in 1995, Azim chose a path that many might find unthinkable. He chose forgiveness. That decision became the catalyst for the founding of the Tariq Kamisa Foundation and a global movement dedicated to peace, unity, and healing. During this forum, Azim explores the transformative power of forgiveness, not just as a personal act, but as a collective call to action. His message reminds us of the shared humanity that binds us together, even through our most painful experiences. Azim's story and his life's work have inspired millions. We're grateful to be able to bring his voice and vision to you through this episode.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

About 13 or 14 years ago, I was sitting in this auditorium on uh the beginning of my journey with Star Commonwealth, and I got to hear a presentation that shifted me. I got to sit and listen to a journey that I couldn't even quite comprehend. That what I was hearing somebody have gone through and how he had responded to that and entered the world after it, I couldn't quite comprehend. And it didn't take me long till I had signed up for his monthly newsletter. And for 13 or 14 years, I have been reading the work of this incredible human and the people he has brought together to make this world a more peaceful, forgiving, and joyful place. I was profoundly impacted, as you can tell, and it gave me great pleasure to then have the opportunity to call him to reach out and ask if he would come and share that story again with this Star Commonwealth community, family, and the Albion area. I hope you also are touched and find in it the stories that you need and the realizations that will help you as you progress in your own life. I am so honored and privileged to welcome Mr. Azim Kamisa to Star Commonwealth and to Albion.

SPEAKER_02 2:45

So I thought I would start uh with uh Namaste. Those of you who practice yoga probably recognize the greeting. And I think the theme today is Oneness of Humankind. I think it's an appropriate start because Namaste comes from my tradition, but it is more than a greeting. It's really a prayer as well. And what it means is I honor the place in you in which the entire universe dwells. I honor the place in you that is of love, that is of truth, that is of beauty, and that is of peace. When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are one. Yeah? So I'm going to be speaking to you this morning from that place in me where we are one, and I invite you to listen to me from that place in you where we are also one. Now I know the video says this was an earlier video, the tragedy actually happened 30 years ago. And it was a life-changing event. I was born in Kenya and educated in England in mathematics and finance, and I traveled the world, I speak a half a dozen languages. That was my life, routinely flying from London, changed suitcase, and flight to Tokyo. And uh Tariq was my only son. He was a good kid. He was a sophomore student at San Diego State University and worked weekends as a pizza deliveryman to make some extra money while he was in university. He was a gifted writer, and he was a talented photographer, and um he wrote an essay at the age of 18 called Philosophy of My Life, which is in one of my books, and um old soul in a young body, and he and he aspired that uh someday he would finish as a journalist and work for National Geographic. He loved cultures, he loved to travel, and um as you heard on the video, this was the last delivery on a Saturday night in 1995. And he worked for a local restaurant, an Italian restaurant owned by a family, and it was his turn to deliver the pizzas. So they gave the right address of the apartment building, but the wrong apartment number. It's a middle-class area in San Diego, not far from the university where he attended. So he got to the site of the crime, he knocked on many doors trying to figure out who'd ordered the pizzas. Of course, nobody had. So he came back to the car, he put the pizzas in the trunk of his car, and as he was about to leave the scene of the crime, he was actually in his car trying to back off the back out his car from the driveway of the apartment building. He was accosted by four youth gang members. Three of them were 14 years old, and the leader of the gang was an 18-year-old, and gave the order to a 14-year-old, bust him bones, fired one round, which came through the driver's side window. And as you heard on the video, it entered my son's body right under the left shoulder blade. The bullet actually traveled through the upper part of his chest and exited from his right armpit. But it was fatal. And as the coroner explained to me afterwards, he said the bullet followed a perfect path. A perfect path, I queried, I thought that was an interesting choice of words. But he was very quick to tell me, Mr. Kamis, I'm not trying to be insensitive. We do not see a path like this very often. And what it means in my lingo, that it destroyed all the vital organs in your son's body. And Tariq died a couple of minutes later, drowning in his own blood at the age of twenty. The sudden, senseless random death of an innocent, unarmed human being. The overwhelming grief of a family. Thirty years. I still think of Tariq several times every single day. It never ever leaves you. One of the hardest things I ever had to do in my life was to call his mother. I live in San Diego. She lived in Seattle, Washington at that time. How do you tell a mother she's never ever going to see her son again? Tarek had a very special relationship with his mom. I have a very special relationship with my mother, I'm sure many of you can relate. I lost my mother in 2017. And I look back and think about that, that I still having that close relationship with my mom, who was a big influence in my life. She was very spiritual. My dad was a businessman, so I grew up with equal emphasis on my career and my spiritual life. I'm thinking, how am I going to tell Tariq's mother this news? It took me a while. When I finally did share what had happened to Tariq, she let out this loud, piercing shriek as she hit the floor. I could actually hear her hit the floor. Thank God she wasn't by herself. She was visiting her family, and I remember having a very broken conversation with one of her brothers. They're probably wondering why am I sharing this with you because it is painful. And why do I often share this with the kids? For one reason. Sometimes, I don't know, sometimes we don't get how painful violence is till it crosses our path. At least I didn't. But now I really, really, really get how painful violence is. And because I really, really get how painful violence is, I would never in my life be violent to another sister or another brother. I think it's important we all get it, because there's way too much violence in our society. Because I didn't know any of this. When I got the call from homicide to tell me that Tariq had been shot and killed, my knee-jerk reaction was that doesn't make any sense. He was a good kid, working as a pizza delivery man. I had no clue that there could be dangerous. So my first thought was, you know, sometimes crime happens and people mistake. So I quickly hung up on homicide, thinking this can't be true. You saw a little picture of him and Jennifer, which was his fiancee. They both were at San Diego State University, been dating for a couple of years, and just got engaged six weeks before he passed and moved into the same apartment. So I quickly called his phone number. Back then you didn't have cell phones, fully expecting him to pick up the phone. Of course he didn't. Jennifer did. And she couldn't say anything. She was just sobbing. Because homicide had gone to their place before they called me. And I was in my kitchen, and I remember that I lost strength in both of my legs as I collapsed with the floor because that's when it hit. Hit my head against the refrigerator and caught up in a ball. I don't have the words to describe to you how devastatingly painful that experience was for me. I'd never in my life felt pain like that. And the pain was so excruciating that I had my first out-of-body experience. And I left my body. And I've since learned that when victims go through deep trauma, they often do leave their body because they can't be in their body. Because the pain is totally unbearable. I grew up in the Sufi faith. I believe in God. Sufis are a metaphysical interpretation of Islam, which we have in all of the major religions. Kabbalah is the metaphysical interpretation of Judaism. And maybe the Quakers or the Jesuits are the metaphysical interpretation of Christianity. And I believe I went into the loving embrace of God. I don't recall how long I was gone for. It felt like a long time. And when the explosion subsided, God sent me back into my body with the wisdom that there are victims at both ends of the gun. Now that didn't come from my intellect or my loving heart. Rather, it was a download from a higher power. And here's another fact that sometimes in deep trauma there is a spark of clarity. Every saint has suffered the dark night of the soul. And of course, this was the darkest night of my soul. And I didn't immediately get the relevance of that download. Because the next thing I had to do was to call Tariq's mother. And I had to call my parents, my father, two days before Tariq died, had gone through a 12-hour surgery, seven bypasses. Tariq died on a Saturday, the surgery was on a Thursday. He was still recuperating in the hospital. And today, I still don't know how my mother visited my father every day. She knew. But we couldn't share what happened to Tarek because the heart surgeon told us that might take his life too. And I still don't know how she was able to sit through those visits. Of course, I didn't go see him. He lived in Vancouver. And we buried Tariq in Vancouver because there was no way he could have traveled to the funeral. And it was where my home mosque was. My mother was very involved with the mosque. And in the Muslim faith, we buried pretty quickly. Tariq died on a Saturday. The funeral was on the next Wednesday. And we were under strict instructions from my father's heart doctor that don't share this with him. But as a family, we decided that we have to share it with him. Because he's not gonna forgive us if we don't let him choose to pay his final respect to his grandson. Which was difficult for him because he would have continued the Kamisa name. I have a beautiful daughter who is the executive director of her brother's foundation, and three beautiful grandchildren from her. I know you are dying to see their photo. I have it right here. They gave me a lot of joy. So on Tuesday, the day before the funeral, my older sister, and my father was under pretty deep sedation. Slowly and gently broke the news to my father. And before, because I gave him another shot soon after, so he would go back to sleep, but before he went to sleep, his fine his words were that Tariq died to give him a new lease on life. Because they were very close. And the doctor said, okay, you can go to the funeral, but you can only stay for one hour. 1400 people came to his funeral. There was a big bus that traveled from Seattle where he went to school. Tariq had many friends, he was very gregarious and loved. And my mom was very involved with our mosque, so a lot of them came to the funeral. And in the Sufi tradition, we don't use a coffin. Tariq was on a litter, and he was clouded with a white unstitched cloth. We bury dust to dust. And after the funeral ceremony, the entire group that was at his funeral would walk single file around his body. And while that ritual was going on, we have this chant. Allahuma Saleh Muhammadin Wal a Muhammad. It took two and a half hours for the 1400 people to essentially pay their final respects to Tariq's body. Think about it. 1400 people chanting in unison for two and a half hours. Totally shifted your consciousness. Because then I had to carry the Gurney. I had one obviously pole on my right shoulder, left shoulder. My brother was on the back. And my nephews were on both sides. And as I walked through the funeral hall, all the people that were there would put their hand on the gurney, like, we are supporting you. In our tradition, I had to actually step into the grave to accept my son's body and basically had. And I stayed there paralyzed, thinking, you know, bury me with him. Only men go to the gravesite in our tradition. And my best friend finally pulled me out from the grave, was there with me. And I had to take the first spade of dirt and put it on Tariq's body. But I look at that part of my life and it was very difficult, very painful, but looking back at it, it helped me to understand many years later that there is no denial that Tariq is gone. And when you bury your own child, you know. I remember talking to a father that had lost a son just like I did, many years later, many, many years later. He said to me, Azim, I don't know how you talk about this, because it took me 25 years to just admit that I had lost my son. He stayed in denial for 25 years. Well, when you go through a ritual like the one I went through, there's no denial. I've authored five books and I'm working on my sixth one. Well, I keep an active journal, and I remember writing in my journal, there's nothing quite so painful as a broken heart. There's nothing quite so painful as a broken heart. But a broken heart is an open heart. If one can live with an open heart, gentle transformations begin to manifest. And I know I'm kind of singing to the choir because most of you are involved with the work that I'm doing now and have an open heart. Although there's no limit to how open your hearts can be. Needless to say, my heart was blown wide open. And part of my message as we meet today is to even encourage you to open your hearts even more. Because an open heart does not judge. And yet we live in a world, Ken talked about it, where we are very divided, and we are very quick to judge based on isms, whether it's race or socioeconomic or gender or. He was probably the most compassionate form of government the world has ever seen, compared it to where we are today. Which is sad that it doesn't exist anymore. Because it was a model for what government should be. And his holiness is telling this story. He said, I asked my friend, were you afraid while you were in prison that the Chinese were going to kill you? I don't have to tell you about Chinese torture. And he said, My friend told me no. No. I wasn't afraid of dying. The impending danger in my life while I was in Chinese prison for 25 plus years, while I was being tortured, the impending danger in my life was losing compassion for the Chinese. They destroyed 6,400 monasteries and killed 1.6 million of my brothers and sisters. The impending danger in my life was losing compassion for the Chinese. I was in the front line. I remember I broke down and sobbed like a baby. Because I got what His Holiness's friend was talking about. What would happen if I lose compassion for the kid that took my son's life? What do you replace it with? Here's another pull of wisdom that I got from His Holiness the Dalai Lama. He knew my story, of course, we were able to share it. Every emotion, as His Holiness talked about, has a frequency. Some emotions have a very low frequency, some emotions have a very high frequency. Judgment is one of those low frequencies. Greed, avarice, resentment, anger, hatred, despair, guilt. Happiness doesn't live there. And then there are some emotions that have a very high frequency. Goodwill, friendship, gratitude, empathy, compassion, forgiveness is as high a frequency as love. And that's where happiness lives. It's not complicated, you know. Where are you vibrating? Up here or down there? At any given moment. When you meet somebody like His Holiness the Dalai Lama, he's vibrating here 24-7. Yeah. Us mortars all have a bad hair there, don't we? I do too, by the way. If you live in California, the road rages beyond charts, you know. Now somebody crosses me off, I don't throw the finger, I bless them. But I meditate a couple hours a day. And when I do fall off the wagon, so as to speak, from a high vibratory emotion to a low vibratory emotion, I add another half an hour and get back up here. But what I can share with you, having done this work for 30 some years, I do a workshop, I just did one in Hawaii, a full-day workshop on teaching how you forgive people that have harmed you and how you forgive yourselves. I've written a lot about it too. I'm spending more time in these high vibratory emotions. And when you are vibrating at these high vibratory emotions, not only are you more at peace and happiness, but you're more in the flow of life. When I wrote my first book, From Urdu to Forgiveness, there wasn't much on forgiveness. You almost had to go back as we come to Easter. Forgive them, Father. They don't know what they are doing. Yeah? It's an amazing central message from Christianity from Lord Jesus Christ. Almost had to go back there. Today, there are several clinical studies. In fact, there is a project, there's a forgiveness project at Stanford run by a good friend of mine, Fred Laskin. I just interviewed him on a podcast before I flew down here. There's a forgiveness project in Hawaii run by my good friend Roger Epstein. I saw him because I was in Hawaii doing the workshop before I came down here. There's a forgiveness project in London run by Marina Canta Cucino. He's a good friend of mine, I think he's in the 20th year. There is no doubt now, there is science that tells you that forgiveness is very good for your health. Yeah? Yet you don't see many examples of forgiveness. I'm glad that the good Lord gave me the eyes to transition from something so negative to forgiveness. My first book was From Murder to Forgiveness, and then I followed that with From Forgiveness to Fulfillment. I've personally spoken to over two million kids in these 30 years, although our story has been broadcasted to millions more. But this is one-on-one, you know, not necessarily one-on-one, most of the time. I speak in an auditorium like this with 250 to 300 kids, and I do that a lot during school year. So my second sequel was Forgiveness to Fulfillment. Because the work that I have done in the aftermath of Tariq's tragedy has been very meaningful and very fulfilling because international finance was about money. This is about saving lives of children. Far more important, far more meaningful, and far more fulfilling. And then my trilogy was from fulfillment to peace. And Tony, who took Tariq's life, actually wrote the foreword to it. So I'm at peace today. Not that I would not want Tariq back. Obviously, that is not possible. But the path to peace for me, the portal to peace for me was forgiveness. Now after Tarek died, I had no idea there were such things as youth gangs. Obviously now I'm an expert on it. We lose a young soul every waking hour in the United States of America. Not news anymore. And not only do we lose one, like Tariq died, we lose the offender to the prison system like Tony. We have 4% of the world's population, we have 25% of the world's prisoners. The Economist, which is a very reputable newspaper, I'm sure some of you have read it, took 25 first-world countries like us, Germany, England, France, Australia, and Japan, and added all the kids that die as a result of gun violence in those countries. They took the total of 25 countries, multiply that by 11, that is how many we lose in the United States of America. I'm not knocking America. It's a good country. I emigrated here 50 years ago. And I love my country as I know all of you do. There's freedom here. It's a meritocratic, democratic, although that's up for discussion now, which is not the purview of this presentation. But nonetheless, it's a good country. And I believe if you open the gates, the whole world would move here. Because not many countries enjoy the freedom and the security and all the comforts we live with. But when it comes to violence, we are a very poor role model. And that's important to get because if you've traveled internationally, what do you see? You see Levites and SUVs and American music and American movies and Starbucks and KFC and, you know, because we are the richest nation in the world and the only superpower, we have a tremendous impact on the global culture. And unfortunately, we're also exporting our violence. I mean, we can spend. Randy and I talked about that last night. We can spend millions, billions, and maybe even a trillion dollars on wars on foreign soil. Yet, every single day, right here in our own backyards, our defenseless children are being wiped out in a frenzy of bizarre violence. In the richest nation in the world. Does that make any sense to you? It's not that we don't have money, we have plenty of money, we can do everything, anything we want, and often we do. And yet we are losing a young soul every waking hour of every single day. What's wrong with that math? And the question I asked after Tariq died is how did we get to a country where children kill children? This is very much an American phenomenon. It doesn't happen in all the other countries. Some of it is actually happening now, but not to the extent that happens here. How did we get here? What is mine and your responsibility? Because obviously it's easy to see that Tariq was a victim of Tony. I think it takes a little bit more compassion and empathy to see that Tony was a victim of American society. Well, that begs the question: who is American society? What's you and me? Societies do not just happen stance. Every one of us who is an American is responsible for the society we've created. And I felt as an American citizen, I'm a first-generation, naturalized American citizen. But I felt as an American citizen that I must take my share of the responsibility for the bullet that took my son's life. Why? Because it was fired by an American child. But you could take the position they killed my one and only son, he should be hung from the highest poor. How does that make a better society? You know, obviously I had empathy and compassion for my son, but somehow I felt empathy and compassion for Tony. He was 14 years old. So nine months after Tariq died, I decided to do something about that. I didn't feel we were doing enough to make sure that we don't lose so many young souls, either to death or to the criminal justice system. And I started with a simple premise to stop kids from killing kids by breaking the cycle of youth violence and essentially at three mandates. First and foremost was to save lives of children. And I know Starr does that a lot. Thank you for doing that. Our children are more important than us adults. They are our future. Our second principle was to teach the principles of nonviolence, of accountability, of empathy, of compassion, of forgiveness, of peace building. We're not going to wake up one day and find out that the world is at peace. We have to work at this every single hour. And I started, you heard me say this on the video, I started with a simple premise that violence is a learned behavior. Tony wasn't born violent. And our kids learn violence from us adults. And if you accept that as an axiom that violence is a learned behavior, it follows that non-violence can also be a learned behavior. And the first time, so Tatari died in January. I started the foundation in October, figuring out how we're going to do this. Wasn't very sure about it. And we met in the public defender's office, and I asked the district attorney that handled my son's case to introduce me to Tony's grandfather. And I remember that story almost 30 years ago. And I started the conversation by saying to Plaise that I'm not here screaming retribution, I'm not here speaking revenge because your grandson took the life of my son. Rather, I'm here in the spirit of empathy and compassion because what I really see is we both lost a son. Tony lived with his grandfather and calls his grandfather daddy. And of course, he was suffering too. I could feel his suffering, maybe even more so than me, because that's a tough thing to have on your consciousness, to have your grandson take a life of an innocent, unarmed human being. That's not, you know, I mean and Please is a master's degree in urban development, worked for the city of San Diego as an urban, as a as a as an uh as a director of urban planning, especially in inner cities. One of the wisest guys I know, is brilliant. I've learned so much from this man. Very well read, super intelligent, had a good home for his kid. Didn't even know his kid was gang involved. He didn't get his kid till about eight. Tony grew up in South Central LA, born to a 15-year-old, which was Please's daughter. Of course, I know everything there is to know about Tony. He didn't have a very good childhood. And finally at the age of eight, because several of his relatives were involved in gangs, his mother decided that he should move to San Diego and live with his grandfather. At eight, you don't want to lose your leave your mother. I remember I was born in Kenya and I had asthma, and they wanted me to move to the coast in Mombasa, because where I was, the asthma was difficult because of the environment. And I was 11 years old, and I still was too young to be moved away from my mother. So Tony was moved to his grandfather at the age of eight and got involved with the gang at the age of 11, unbeknownst to his grandfather. So I told Place, I said, you know, the real reason that I'm here is I founded the Tariq Kamisa Foundation with the mission of stopping kids from killing kids and with the mission of teaching non-violence because there's way too many, there's way too much violence, and we lose too many young people, like Tariq and Tony. So the real reason I'm here is to ask for your help. This is the big job. Will you help me? And he was very quick to take my hand of forgiveness. I could feel we are the about we are the same age. I'm a little older than him. My birthday is in February, his birthday is in September. And he was very quick to take my hand of forgiveness. And the first thing out of his mouth is he's a Baptist from the South, grew up in Louisiana. He said, Thank you for reaching out to me. I said, Ever since I found out that my grandfather was responsible for the death of your son, I went into the prayer closet, praying that someday I get the opportunity to meet you. And offer you and your family my condolences for the loss of your only son. And of course I'll help you. Well, in April, so the foundation I created in October reached out to place soon after that. In April, we got a call from Bernie Elementary School, which was Tony's alma mater. Carol Roblaskas, I still remember the name of the counselor. And she said to me, the kids are asking a lot of questions because Tony was the first 14-year-old in the state of California to be tried as an adult. They just had lowered the age from 16 to 14 on January 1st, 1995. And this was the first time a 14-year-old was tried as an adult. Of course, he's back up to 16 now, thank God. And Carol says, you know, Tony's picture was on TV and newspapers because there was a lot of media around this case. And the kids are confused. Is Tony a hero or is he a criminal? And you know how our media works, right? If it bleeds, it leads, right? What's a CNN, constant negative news? You know? So the kids are very confused, and they're asking all of these questions. I can answer them. Will you please come talk to the kids? And we and I saw this as a cry for help. 750 kids. So we talked to fourth, fifth, and sixth grader. I went with Plaise. And I have a very good friend of mine that was with me at the funeral that pulled me out of the grave. His wife is a founder of a legitimate theater, a writer and a producer, and super talented. And she acted as a, she actually choreographed this assembly, which was our first assembly we did. And we thought, you know, 750 kids is too many. So we broke them up into three cohorts of 250 kids each. And of course, I shared my testimony, and grandfather shared his testimony, and then we did a QA. And the kids will not stop asking questions. We could have gone much longer than the 45 minutes that we had scheduled for each of these presentations. And it was amazing that there was pin-drop silence. You're talking now to 10 to 13 years old. No fidgeting. The next day the principal called me and said, Azim, the kids are still talking about the assembly you did yesterday, and many of them have written letters to you. And that's why I love to see them, because I didn't wanted to see what the kids had said. I said, I'll be over. I'll pick up those letters, thinking they might give me, you know, a dozen or so letters. She gave me 375 letters. 750 kids. Every other kid wrote a letter. And of course, they came with drawings and crayons, and every letter would tear your eyes up. Today I've received over 150,000 letters. And that gave me a lot of hope that not only are these concepts of accountability, empathy, compassion, forgiveness, and peace building teachable, our kids are actually hungry for them. And that's how the foundation started. It still happens to be one of our signature programs. Of course, we morphed into a safe school model. And Randy, you and I talked about that last night. Because we understood that, yes, the assembly will shift your attitude. And I can tell you many stories about that. But it doesn't change behavior. And I know STAR is very involved. It takes a lot more than one assembly to change behavior. So we knew we had to do a continuum. So today in the Safe School model, after the assembly, our second program is we have a 10-week curriculum where we teach socio-emotional skills, where we teach the concepts of accountability and empathy and compassion and forgiveness and peace building. And we have three levels of it. So it's great specific. Our first level is fourth, fifth, and sixth, second is seventh and eighth, the third is ninth and tenth. And that's the crown jewel of the Tariq Kamisa Foundation. Because it's, you know, I was talking to Randy last night. The demand for this curriculum is insatiable. Unfortunately, funding is an issue, and you and I talked about it, Elizabeth, about the challenges you were having with some of the programs, residential programs they're doing here. And that's the challenge because, you know, I I I started working in the inner cities, and I was shocked that some of these inner city schools don't have money for basic needs. So they love the program, but they had no money. I said, Well, don't worry about it. We'll do it for free. And we'll continue to do that for free. Obviously, we have to raise grants and donations and all of that, and I'm very involved with that. But let me give you an example. You know, um, every lesson that we do in this 10-week curriculum has a theme. So for empathy, the theme is you don't know me till you walk a mile in my shoes, and I don't know you till I walk a mile in your shoes. Because you can't have empathy for somebody you don't know. Once I walk a mile in your shoes, I get to know you, and vice versa. If you walk a mile in my shoes, you get to know me. And I know everything that is to know about only. And then we teach the class on empathy. Then the homework is go walk a mile in somebody else's shoes, and then the next week the lesson is on compassion. So my daughter actually was teaching this class, and when she asked for the homework of seventh graders, who wants to share their homework on empathy? So there's a Hispanic kid. His name is Alejandro, goes by Alex. He's the most disruptive kid in the class. You could tell by his walks, by his signs, by his dressing, that he's a wannabe gang member. So he shot up his arm, wanted to share the homework like many other kids did. But my daughter was saying, My God, Dad, I thought he's gonna ruin the class. This is the most disruptive kid in the class. So she was trying to avoid him. But there was no way to avoid Alex. He was so animated he was going to speak. So finally she said, Alex, share your homework. He didn't destroy the class, he actually made the class. So what he shared, he says, I was walking in the hood last weekend. And I saw this kid that gave me a dirty, angry look. This African-American, a rival gang member. And he says the rules of the hood are very simple. If somebody gives you an angry, dirty look, you go beat him up. And Alex is bigger than this kid giving him a dirty, angry look. But because you taught me that you don't know me till you walk a mile in my shoes, I walked up to this kid and said, Why are you giving me a dirty, angry look? Well, the kid told me, I'm not giving you a dirty, angry look, I'm angry. Because my brother was shot and killed right in this spot last night. What you do? I put my hand on his shoulder. And I said, you know what? I know how you feel. Because my favorite uncle was shot in this same spot six months ago. You see the power of this? Tell me you can't teach this stuff. And Alex walks the hood every weekend, not just last weekend. What does he do when somebody gives him a dirty angry look? He reaches out. And our third program is a peace club, which is essentially a leadership program. It's all done during school hours, the first program, the assembly, and the 10-way curriculum. The Peace Club sometimes is done as an after-school program, sometimes P class, sometimes over a lunch break. About 60 different titles we have of what it takes to be a nonviolent leader that is committed to nonviolence principles, as well as becoming a leader to promote more peace on campus. And our last program for the kids is a mentoring program. We have mentors that work on school sites. And the idea behind mentoring here is we don't want schools to expel or suspend. Because if you expel a kid or suspend a kid, guess where he is? In Iron School. Sure, you've heard the adage school-to-prison pipeline, right? So they come to our mentors, and our mentors work with these kids that are on a slippery slope, much like Tony was. Not only in school, but also in their home and in their community. Of course, they create a bond, and many of these mentors that we have are street kids. I was sharing with Randy last night that one of my mentors, her name is Araceli, when she was in seventh grade. She only lived four blocks from her school, but there was a gang waiting for her. The next person that's going to cross the street is supposed to maul her. It was a gang initiation ritual. And she happened to be that person, and they mauled her and drew blood and pulled her hair. Fortunately, there was an adult that finally was able to intervene and she ran home. Turned out ten days later we were at her school with our assembly, and she was so moved with the message of forgiveness, she forgave the kids that mauled her. Went through high school, went to UC Berkeley, got a degree in social work, and now is one of our lead mentors. Actually, she's more of a trainer now. So a lot of our mentors are experienced street kids, and they create this bond. And we cut expulsions and suspensions by 70%. I wish I could say it was 100%. But I'm pushing my whole organization to get to that number. And then UC Berkeley was so impressed because the work we are doing is under the umbrella of restorative practices, which is more from restorative justice. And really the harder part is to shift the school. The kids are actually easier than the teachers, I think. You know, because we have a very much a punitive mindset, right? And we tell them, you know, we have to move from a punitive mindset to a restorative mindset. And UC Berkeley was so impressed with the work that we did with the kids, they wanted us to do a similar program in partnership with them for parents. So, which we did about eight, nine years ago. And then our during the pandemic, we created a program for teachers because they are as traumatized as maybe the kids are. And we spent 60 hours training our mentors on the concepts of teaching nonviolence. And even with parents and teachers, we teach them how to shift from that punitive mindset to a restorative mindset. So these six programs now are the umbrella of the safe school model. And we provide direct services much like STAR does in Albion. But as we go out of town, we become a training institute. So we have a second site in Philadelphia in Buck County. We presented some of these conferences where schools come in to find out about new programs, and they begged us to bring their program. We started that, I think, seven years ago, with one site. We now have ten sites there. And we train the counselors, the teachers to bring our safe school model. And it's delivering some amazing results. So let me finish by the last story. Meeting Tony. And then we'll open it up for some questions, and then we're going to close with another quote that I started with a quote that I wrote in my journal. And then I want to have a special quote to finish for you to take home. So five years after the tragedy, I knew that at some point I had to come eyeball to eyeball with Tony to complete my journey of forgiveness. And it took five years and several thousand hours of meditation. It's very difficult to come eyeball to eyeball with the person who took the life of your son, right? We're mortals. Because I'd known the grandfather really well. He's still one of my best friends. We're still together 30 years later. So I told, you know, please, I'm ready to meet Tony. When he reached out to Tony, his grandfather stayed in Tony's life all throughout the time he was in prison. So Tony was 19 years old. So I said, reach out to Tony, I'm ready to meet him. And Tony wasn't ready. And I could understand that because I'm sure he thought the last person on earth that wants to meet me would be Tareg's father. But it didn't take him very long. Six months later, Place called me and says, Tony's ready to meet you. I said I'd like you to go with me. This is the first time I'm meeting Tony. But I need some one-on-one time with him. He was the last person to see my son, and I have some tough questions for him. So Place was very gracious. We started, spent the first half an hour mostly talking about Tony's life in adult prison. And then the grandfather left us alone and we spoke one-on-one for a couple of hours. And the seminal moment in that meeting was we locked eyeballs. I'm looking in his eyes, he's looking in my eyes, and we held that glance for what seemed like an uncomfortable amount of time. And I'm looking in his eyes trying to find a murderer. And I didn't. I wasn't expecting that. He was remorseful. He was articulate. He was well-mannered. And he did not portray any of the typical attitudes of a 19-year-old ex-gang member. I wasn't expecting that. I'm trying to tell you, he was a likable kid. And I know Starr understands this. At this point, I told him, Tony, you know I have forgiven you because I've been working with your grandfather now for over four years. But I want you to know that when you come out of prison, we have a job waiting for you at the Tariqamiso Foundation. You can come join your grandfather and me. And as I remember leaving that prison, my cadence leaving that prison was a lot more bouncier than the one I walked in with. Because forgiveness can be very freeing. And at that point I knew that I had completed my journey of forgiveness. And my preeminent thought in my head was, why did I wait five years? The next day the grandfather called me and said, Azim, that meeting you had with Tony last night, I shifted him 180 degrees. Prior to your meeting him would say, Daddy, I'm not going to make it in prison. He's a good-looking young young person in an adult prison. I don't want to tell you what our prisons are like. I'm not worthy of his forgiveness, and I'm not worthy of his job offer, but I'm going to try. He aced his GED when he was in Pelican Bay, high security prison. 22 out of 24 hours he's in a sale. And he self-taught himself. Grandfather kept sending him books at 94 percentile, like an A plus. I stayed with him from the age of 19 for 20 more years, advocating for his release. Finally, in 2019, he went in front of the parole board. Pretty tough hearing to see if he was going to be paroled. Seven hours. They grilled him for every altercation while he was in prison. It's not difficult to get into trouble in prison. You can look at a guard the wrong way and you're in trouble. Finally, it was my turn to speak. Most of that seven hours was Tony. He cried a lot. We all cried. His grandfather was there, my daughter was there. We had some, the district attorney was there, because she's a big friend of ours, although she wasn't very keen on Tony coming back to the community because it's an elected position. And I said to the parole officer, I said, Tony has work to do, not behind bars. He has a work to do with the foundation. He's not the same person, as you can tell, after seven hours of grilling him that he was when he was 14 and took my son's life. He's a different human being now. He can save a lot of kids. If he's on stage with me and says, when I was 11, I joined a gang. When I was 14, I killed Mr. Camisa's only son. I spent the last umpteen years in prison. I wish I could turn the clock back. And I know Tony would love to do that. Although obviously you can't do that. So how many kids that are going to be in the audience when the foundation reaches tens of thousands of kids every year would change their mind. Release him. I'll guarantee his behavior. Because he has work to do. And you know what? He won parole. Which never happens on the first hearing, by the way. You probably know this. And since 2019, he's volunteering for the foundation. He's now a plumber. We were able to get him a job at a plumbing company that supports the foundation. Because with homicide, it's hard to get a job, right? But he's already got two promotions. I'm really proud of this kid because he's better at technology than I am, you know. And he volunteers for the foundation. He says grandfather and I have for the last 30 years. And he's changing many, many more lives. So I know we've saved him. But he will save a lot of kids. And I think that demonstrates the power of forgiveness. So I'll stop there. Thank you very much.